Somehow I always find myself coming back here to rant...
2020 was the start of the covid19 pandemic~
It was a great time for me to " mentally rest" but at the same time it was a build up of " I don't know what I want in life anymore"
I feel that in life, I can't identify what I am or what I can do(doing anything I want).. I am constantly living a life like I am doing things for the sake of doing and not doing it " because I want to"
My frustration or should I say inner rage is building up and I don't know when I'll just explode .
My life as 28 soon 29 year old woman(millennium) is constantly being tired,broke(no money) and trying to lose weight while my peers/seniors/juniors are doing better.. such as having enough to spend(buying whatever they desire) , getting married, having children & owning a house.
"Being successful" thats what they are.
As for me... I still identify as an overweight , lazy and full of excuse piece of crap.
Sigh.... I am really tired...
All I want is to do is just to rest at home. "Quietly"
Own time own target kind of peace
Suicide has always been lingering at the dark corner of my mind... sadly I am just a coward that couldn't end my own miserable self... so I'll just suffer mentally till I die.
Hopefully my next post(idk when) I'll feel better
